It’s been 10 months since I started this journey of wellness. When I started I was at my lowest. I had gained so much weight because I would eat for happiness. I couldn’t wait to get home and fill up my snack plate and turn on a movie. I would eat until I couldn’t move and then feel miserable for eating so much, go to sleep, wake up, go to work and repeat. It was like a scene from Ground Hog Day with Bill Murray.
I wanted to wake up and be done with the cycle of destruction. It had been going on for 4 years, but nothing seemed to stick. I was so miserable and it exuded out of me. I was sad, but could never cry, so instead I would be angry at everyone who loved me and that I loved. I didn’t feel worthy.
It was a dark place to be in.
Today is brighter. I have been putting in the work that is required to love myself. I feel lighter in my soul and happier with life. I have lost 41 pounds and counting. The weight is so much more than fat lost; it is also pounds of regret, angry and sadness. A metamorphism to a better version of myself, the one I lost somewhere along this beautiful life.
People ask me how did I lose the weight and stay committed this time. What was different? My response is that it started with the birth of a new life, pure love and hope. I took a step forward and made the commitment to “Be Kind to Myself” and believed that the rest would follow.
And the rest did follow. I found and I am still finding love for myself, gratitude, growth and love for my body and life. I found peace and forgiveness for myself. I’m still a work in progress; I will always be a work in progress. I look forward to putting in the work, spreading kindness to others and being a better me for myself and this world.
Life is beautiful embrace it and experience it .
Live your best life in everything that you do.
In July 2018 I joined WW for the last time. I have been up-and-down on the scale all my life ever since I can remember. My highest weight was 240 my lowest weight was 124. My self-love was 0.
This time I knew it was going to be different from day one. There was just this overall feeling of well-being. From the very beginning I knew that this had to be a journey that was not just one of weight loss. It had to be a journey of wellness, one where I was focusing on my health, fitness and spiritual and personal growth.
I knew that this time I had to work on my inner thoughts. I had to work on being kinder to myself and loving myself and practice self-care daily. I knew that if I did not work on of these three things, that I like to call the trifecta, I wouldn’t crack the code of being healthy in mind, body and spirit for myself.
So, this January 2019 when WW posted its #7daysforeverybody on Instagram, I started to revisit my why. Initially I was going to name my children and my granddaughter as my why. But an overall feeling came over me; a feeling that moved me to say to myself; “You are your why.”
And at that very moment I was scared, I felt vulnerable, and I wanted to just stop and avoid that feeling, because I don’t usually put myself first. Every time I’ve lost weight or try to work on some type of wellness it was never for me. It was either for a spouse, partner or for appearances.
But at that moment I knew that I had evolved. I had finally found what wellness meant, it did not mean weight-loss. For me to be whole I need to make myself a priority, and love myself. This journey is for me. I know now that by choosing myself as my why everyone else in my life will benefit because I will be giving from a cup that’ s overflowing instead of giving from a cup that is completely empty.
So yes, my why is
Some of you may have already noticed that my blog disappeared last week. To keep it short, I was redesigning the template and my posts didn’t save.
I was crushed for a quick moment. Then I took a deep breath in and exhaled. I started to immediately re-direct my thoughts. I started to ask myself what this situation is trying to teaching me. Instead of thinking and saying; why is this happening to me?
I have been putting in the miles to be more positive and being kind to myself. Usually something like this would lead me to giving up. This includes other things outside of writing and podcasting. A bump in the road use to de-rail me. I would over-eat and instead of just moving on, I would give up. I would miss a workout and just quit any future workouts.
Positive thinking and re-directing your thoughts is powerful. The more you do it the easier it becomes. When you ask yourself; what is the situation trying to teach me? Instead of why does this always happen to me, you’re setting yourself up for success in whatever goals you’re working towards to accomplish.
So, what did I learn from this frustrating bump in my lifestyle blogging?
I had wanted to change up a few things in my blog, but I was not making the moves to do it. I believe now that I lost the blog posts because the universe knew I needed a push. Over the past year I have grown a lot. I have gained a lot of confidence, focus and grace. But I was also staying comfortable. Now I have been pushed to step out and not color in the lines and be me in everything that I do.
I encourage you to practice this type of thinking.
Here are a few things to help you start and an example: (Remember practicing consistently will make it a regular thing.)
1. Stop and breathe. Pause and breathe and re gather your thoughts. Don’t panic.
2. Ask - What is this trying to teach me?
3. Now that you asked the question, listen very carefully to what comes out of that question.
4. Mediate on it. However that looks for you. Everyone meditates differently.
5. Put what you have learned into action.
1. Over ate unhealthy foods at night- What can I learn from this? I have learned a few things that I can put into action, so if I want to snack at night I will do it healthier and smarter. Find other things to do besides late night snacking. Set myself up for success, by having low calories yummy snacks in the house. Grab a cup of tea or take a hot bath.
I hope this has given you the push and some ideas on how to re-direct your thinking to be more positive!
Be kind to yourself!