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Moving Forward

Thursday Thoughts

Throwback Thursday ( 12 plus years ago )

Throwback Thursday ( 12 plus years ago )

12 years ago I use to play basketball. I thought I was a bad ass. Even with a repaired knee. I had torn my ACL when I was 18, but I was in decent shape. I worked out every day.

2012 I started experiencing weakness in my legs. The doctors could never figure it out. One said it was inflammation, maybe fibromyalgia. One even diagnosed me with rheumatoid arthritis and so I walked around thinking I had this. I didn’t. I was diagnosed wrong, I’m thankful that I never started any medication. I tried diets where I cut out gluten, dairy etc. etc.

But nothing worked.

One day when I was working on my legs and pressing, I couldn’t.

All this was the beginning of a slippery slope for me. I had always experienced weight issues. I have always had to work hard to stay in shape. I was doing that, but this whole health thing messed me up. My anxiety and depression worsened.

First I stopped working out little by little, and then I started emotional eating more and more. Then layer after layer all of these things started to bury me.

 

One day I woke up and I was 240 pounds. I had No hope and I had completely given up. All the pain and exhaustion had become more severe with the extra weight. My self-talk was negative. I truly hated myself.

Fast forward to today. I’m on the right path. I’m putting in the inner work and outside work. All the support and tools from WW and the WW Instsagram community have been so supportive and inner self love building.  

Today, I’m not in as much pain. Whatever was happening to my body back in 2012 has somewhat resolved. I’m not as exhausted as I once was and my health took a 360.

I’m getting back to me and with reflection on where I was, I realized that I was under a lot of stress because I was recovering from a divorce back in 2007. All that I had bottled up was coming out emotionally. Pain, sadness and stress has to release somewhere and if you don’t find a way to do it and you push it down, it will usually be your health that takes the hit.

Your mental health is a huge factor in your overall health.  That’s why mental health awareness and the stigma needs to change.

I posted this because I wanted to share a deeper side of my journey and where I was, where I went, where I am now.

 Moving forward!

One day I might even play b-ball again, badly.

XO

Alexandrea

Reflection

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It’s been 10 months since I started this journey of wellness. When I started I was at my lowest. I had gained so much weight because I would eat for happiness. I couldn’t wait to get home and fill up my snack plate and turn on a movie. I would eat until I couldn’t move and then feel miserable for eating so much, go to sleep, wake up, go to work and repeat. It was like a scene from Ground Hog Day with Bill Murray.

I wanted to wake up and be done with the cycle of destruction. It had been going on for 4 years, but nothing seemed to stick. I was so miserable and it exuded out of me. I was sad, but could never cry, so instead I would be angry at everyone who loved me and that I loved. I didn’t feel worthy.

It was a dark place to be in.

Today is brighter. I have been putting in the work that is required to love myself.  I feel lighter in my soul and happier with life. I have lost 41 pounds and counting. The weight is so much more than fat lost; it is also pounds of regret, angry and sadness. A metamorphism to a better version of myself, the one I lost somewhere along this beautiful life.

People ask me how did I lose the weight and stay committed this time. What was different? My response is that it started with the birth of a new life, pure love and hope. I took a step forward and made the commitment to “Be Kind to Myself” and believed that the rest would follow.

And the rest did follow. I found and I am still finding love for myself, gratitude, growth and love for my body and life. I found peace and forgiveness for myself. I’m still a work in progress; I will always be a work in progress. I look forward to putting in the work, spreading kindness to others and being a better me for myself and this world.

Life is beautiful embrace it and experience it .

Live your best life in everything that you do.

XO

Alexandrea