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Moving Forward

Thursday Thoughts

Throwback Thursday ( 12 plus years ago )

Throwback Thursday ( 12 plus years ago )

12 years ago I use to play basketball. I thought I was a bad ass. Even with a repaired knee. I had torn my ACL when I was 18, but I was in decent shape. I worked out every day.

2012 I started experiencing weakness in my legs. The doctors could never figure it out. One said it was inflammation, maybe fibromyalgia. One even diagnosed me with rheumatoid arthritis and so I walked around thinking I had this. I didn’t. I was diagnosed wrong, I’m thankful that I never started any medication. I tried diets where I cut out gluten, dairy etc. etc.

But nothing worked.

One day when I was working on my legs and pressing, I couldn’t.

All this was the beginning of a slippery slope for me. I had always experienced weight issues. I have always had to work hard to stay in shape. I was doing that, but this whole health thing messed me up. My anxiety and depression worsened.

First I stopped working out little by little, and then I started emotional eating more and more. Then layer after layer all of these things started to bury me.

 

One day I woke up and I was 240 pounds. I had No hope and I had completely given up. All the pain and exhaustion had become more severe with the extra weight. My self-talk was negative. I truly hated myself.

Fast forward to today. I’m on the right path. I’m putting in the inner work and outside work. All the support and tools from WW and the WW Instsagram community have been so supportive and inner self love building.  

Today, I’m not in as much pain. Whatever was happening to my body back in 2012 has somewhat resolved. I’m not as exhausted as I once was and my health took a 360.

I’m getting back to me and with reflection on where I was, I realized that I was under a lot of stress because I was recovering from a divorce back in 2007. All that I had bottled up was coming out emotionally. Pain, sadness and stress has to release somewhere and if you don’t find a way to do it and you push it down, it will usually be your health that takes the hit.

Your mental health is a huge factor in your overall health.  That’s why mental health awareness and the stigma needs to change.

I posted this because I wanted to share a deeper side of my journey and where I was, where I went, where I am now.

 Moving forward!

One day I might even play b-ball again, badly.

XO

Alexandrea

Reflection

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It’s been 10 months since I started this journey of wellness. When I started I was at my lowest. I had gained so much weight because I would eat for happiness. I couldn’t wait to get home and fill up my snack plate and turn on a movie. I would eat until I couldn’t move and then feel miserable for eating so much, go to sleep, wake up, go to work and repeat. It was like a scene from Ground Hog Day with Bill Murray.

I wanted to wake up and be done with the cycle of destruction. It had been going on for 4 years, but nothing seemed to stick. I was so miserable and it exuded out of me. I was sad, but could never cry, so instead I would be angry at everyone who loved me and that I loved. I didn’t feel worthy.

It was a dark place to be in.

Today is brighter. I have been putting in the work that is required to love myself.  I feel lighter in my soul and happier with life. I have lost 41 pounds and counting. The weight is so much more than fat lost; it is also pounds of regret, angry and sadness. A metamorphism to a better version of myself, the one I lost somewhere along this beautiful life.

People ask me how did I lose the weight and stay committed this time. What was different? My response is that it started with the birth of a new life, pure love and hope. I took a step forward and made the commitment to “Be Kind to Myself” and believed that the rest would follow.

And the rest did follow. I found and I am still finding love for myself, gratitude, growth and love for my body and life. I found peace and forgiveness for myself. I’m still a work in progress; I will always be a work in progress. I look forward to putting in the work, spreading kindness to others and being a better me for myself and this world.

Life is beautiful embrace it and experience it .

Live your best life in everything that you do.

XO

Alexandrea

 

 

I’m My Why

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 In July 2018 I joined WW for the last time. I have been up-and-down on the scale all my life ever since I can remember. My highest weight was 240 my lowest weight was 124. My self-love was 0.

This time I knew it was going to be different from day one. There was just this overall feeling of well-being. From the very beginning I knew that this had to be a journey that was not just one of weight loss. It had to be a journey of wellness, one where I was focusing on my health, fitness and spiritual and personal growth.

I knew that this time I had to work on my inner thoughts. I had to work on being kinder to myself and loving myself and practice self-care daily. I knew that if I did not work on of these three things, that I like to call the trifecta, I wouldn’t crack the code of being healthy in mind, body and spirit for myself.

So, this January 2019 when WW posted its #7daysforeverybody on Instagram, I started to revisit my why. Initially I was going to name my children and my granddaughter as my why. But an overall feeling came over me; a feeling that moved me to say to myself; “You are your why.”

And at that very moment I was scared, I felt vulnerable, and I wanted to just stop and avoid that feeling, because I don’t usually put myself first. Every time I’ve lost weight or try to work on some type of wellness it was never for me. It was either for a spouse, partner or for appearances.

But at that moment I knew that I had evolved. I had finally found what wellness meant, it did not mean weight-loss. For me to be whole I need to make myself a priority, and love myself. This journey is for me. I know now that by choosing myself as my why everyone else in my life will benefit because I will be giving from a cup that’ s overflowing instead of giving from a cup that is completely empty.


So yes, my why is

ME!

Alexandrea Reina

XO